


After dark

by 20thcenturypeach



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF, Call Me by Your Name - André Aciman
Genre: Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Violence, Healing, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-09 23:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17414174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/20thcenturypeach/pseuds/20thcenturypeach
Summary: Timothée has an abusive boyfriend and fears attempting to get help even from Armie, he can never bring himself to tell anything





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings for this story: abuse and rape/sexual assault, but do not worry it won’t be in every single chapter, so everytime there isn’t one of those elements in the chapter or it’s only be talking about not acted out I’ll put “clear” at the top before you read ♥️

Timothée’s p.o.v

I stare at myself in the mirror for a moment, wondering how I got here, was it my fault, should I have tried to get away, were will I end up and will it ever end. Please make it end.

I slide my coat and scarf on, getting ready for the coldness that waits for me outside, this year fall has been brutal with the temperature. I walk to the park with a heavy heart but light mind. I'm by myself for once, I can breathe. Toms at work and Finn is at school.

The trees are extra green today and it seems everyone is out with their kids, husbands, wife's, family's. Something I used to envy people for but now despise. 

I met Tom about two years ago when I was 19 and he was 31. He was ceo of a big company for technology and I was just some kid trying to make it in the movie business. We met a little after cmbyn filming had ended. I had tried to move on from Armie but I knew I never would, me and Armie had actually been together during filming but he broke it off before his wife found out, I think he was scared and there was so much at stake. I miss him every single waking moment. I want his warm and soft caresses again. I want to feel loved by him again. Luckily we still keep in contact.

 

Anyway me and toms relationship moved along pretty quickly we dated and eventually moved in together, I moved in his house it was a couple hours away from my apartment but I was still in New York. He didn't let me know about his kid till I went to his house for the first time. I was sorta pissed off but just brushed it off, the kid was cute and seemed calm so whatever at the time. Finn introduced me to himself, he told me he was 4 and that I was very nice, he's six now. It was all good until one night when I was late to pick up Finn because I had been with some friends for the day, he slapped me across the face, I was left with a big red hand mark and tears rolling down my face from anger and sadness, what I had done was so small, such a small accident. Plus I was even doing him a favor by picking Finn up, Tom had basically forced me to raise him while he went out doing god knows what so why he would do that is beyond me. I apologized so many times. 

He quickly turned into a violent monster and it escalated from there. When I did something wrong he would take me into our room so Finn wouldn't see but if he wasn't there he would do it anywhere, he would beat me and force me to do things. Everytime I woke up with a bruise or pain my reaction was no longer shock but just a shrug because it became normal to me.  Makeup has become my best friend when going to events and seeing friends, going in public, etc. I covered up as much as I could and the ones I couldn't I just said it was from filming, I mean I did do some pretty intense scenes plus being clumsy but the bruises weren't actually from that. 

I cry most days when he's not around. I cry from physical and mental pain. I feel trapped and I feel like I'll never get out and if I do it won't be easy, if he ever found out I tried to contact someone to get away or made a plan, oh hell. I would probably be in the ER on life support. 

I fight the urge to tell Armie that I need help whenever I see him, sometimes I could tell he was concerned for me because whenever he looked at me now he looked at me in a sad subtle way. 

Why couldn't we have been together Armie, I miss you so fucking much, I wanted and still want crema to be forever. Tom has never made me feel the way you have. Instead of your soft hands touching me, I now get rough tugs and slaps. Sometimes I just wanna scream at you for having a wife and kids and such an established life but that would be wrong of me. She came first and will always. All I can do is keep trying to live despite the pain, one day I'll make it out of here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to all! Im Lana. I’m definitely not new to writing or writing fanfics but this is my first account on here and first time putting my work on here. Ahh I’m super nervous and hope this first chapter is good. This story is definitely having me dig up some feelings and emotions from my own past, so it will be kinda hard but I know I can write this. I’m so sorry to anyone affected by any of this or have experienced any of this, I hope you have healed and I hope your ok, sending mucho hugs ♥️
> 
> Let me know what you think, feedback is definitely appreciated :)


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: non consensual sex 
> 
>  
> 
> I suggest listening to “a normal family” by jóhann jóhannsson 
> 
> Also: PLEASE read the end note

Timothée’s p.o.v 

 

I'm woken up by the alarm and Tom kissing my neck, I already know how this morning is going to go, and it's not my choice either. 

He turns me on my side, my back to his chest. I can hear him spit on his fingers and stick them into me, I always hated that sound. His fingers never began to feel ok even after so many times. So many non consensual times. He raises my leg and fucks me brutally with heavy grunts but is quiet enough to wear Finn won't hear. He runs his hand all over my body, I just lay there, and take it. If I cry he will call me a little bitch and do something worse. He finishes and we lay there with his breathe in my ear.

He pulls out harshly  
"Fuck" tom says and wipes his dick off. He then pushes me off the bed and tells me to get Finn up and ready for school  
"Go get the kid up" he says  
"Yes" I say in almost a whisper  
I put my boxers and t shirt back on and head to his room feeling numb and so so cold. 

Tom always told me I was just a "thing" for him to fuck, something warm to stick his dick in and get off. The sexual things he did to me were the worst. I know I had blacked out a few times. 

I walk quietly to Finns room and open his door, I smile. I sit on the edge of his bed and shake him gently  
"Hey bud time to get up" I rub his back, he wakes eventually and wraps his around around me and hugs me tight  
"Good morning Timmy"  
"Morning buddy can you get dressed for school"  
"Yep" he smiles  
I softly shut the door and get his breakfast ready. Thank fucking god Tom is going to work soon. 

When he leaves I normally try to leave the house, to anywhere, to do anything, to get away form the house that held so much pain and suffering for me. Even just a few hours out of here helped me to breathe properly mentally and physically. I sometimes thought about never coming back, just leaving, or telling someone, or calling 911 but guilt and fear always consumed my body and I felt paralyzed. It's like he had a hold on me no matter where I went or what I did, he was always gonna be there. 

Finn finishes his breakfast and I get my coat on to take him to school.  
"I gotta go babe love you, oh and you don't have to pick finn up today, I'm gonna take him out for a bit after school" Tom says  
He kisses my cheek and I automatically want to wipe it off I hated everytime a part of him was on my skin  
"Love you have a good day" I smile at him, I gotta, it's what he expects.  
He hugs Finn and heads out the door and I release a breath one that I know will be stolen from me when he gets home tonight.  
"Hey finn Get your stuff on we gotta go"  
"Ok" he says  
He finishes doing that and we get in the car and head to his school, I drop him off with the teacher and get back in the car thinking of were I could go today. Armie has actually been in town to visit some friends from his play he did a few months ago, he had texted me the night he got here, about a day and a half ago. I think I'm gonna ask him if he wants to go to the art museum here, my favorite place with my favorite person.  
I got home and cleaned for a few hours so I don't text him to early. Its around 10:30 when I text him 

Timmy: hey arm do you wanna head over to MoMA  
Armie: hey timmy! Sure I'll drive and meet you there what time is good for you  
Timmy: hey that sounds good and I'm about 2 hours way from the city so it will take me a minute, I'll text u when I'm there and wait for you, is that alright?  
Armie: yea of course see you then ❤️  
I shower and put clothes on, time passes quickly and I drive over to the museum, it takes me about 2 hours to drive there since I'm a little outside New York City and Armie is staying in the city so it's easier and faster for him to get there.  
I pass time by playing franks blonde album, White Ferrari and Chanel particularly remind me of Armie. 

I park and text him, it only took about 10 minutes for him to get here. I get out, I immediately see him walking over to me with a huge smile  
"Hi Timmy" he says softly  
"Hi arms"  
He hugged me softly and I almost cried, I hadn't gotten such love and affection in so long. It's like my body came alive again in an instance. 

I didn't realize I was hugging him tight until he said something  
"Hey Tim you alright" he laughed  
"Yea sorry just missed you" I laughed back  
We walked into the building, paid, and then started walking around looking at everything  
Armie coughs awkwardly  
“So how’s the whole relationship kid thing goin” he asks  
I was surprised he even asked about that, I mean he knows about the whole thing but never asks alot about it, in a way I’m grateful  
“It’s uh it’s good”  
“Good” Armie smiles  
We continue walking, his eyes scanning every one of the walls, admiring the pieces, and I admire him.  
“How’s Liz, Harper, and ford” I ask  
“There good just back in LA while I visit here, I leave in 2 days”  
I stop for a moment in my tracks and I don’t know why  
“I-I miss you Armie”  
He puts his hand on my cheek and rubs it softly  
“I miss you to kid”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the love on the last chapter I can’t wait to keep posting, Theres already definitely some sweet people on this site.
> 
> I kinda left out a few things I need to mention so, If your curious about the the timeline of this story is a little weird, so basically this is set in November 2018, he will be turning 22 in December, the timeline is not like real life. I altered it because I needed the age 21 for this story. I wanted to clarify that before anyone got confused. 
> 
> Also if you wanna know what Tom looks like, I see him as Alec Secareanu.
> 
> Feedback is very much appreciated:)
> 
>  
> 
> \- Lana ♥️


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: rape/physical abuse towards the end 
> 
> Also this gets pretty intense 
> 
>    
> I suggest listening to “lung” by Vancouver Sleep Clinic for this chapter

Timothée’s p.o.v

 

After the museum, he guides me to walk around the city and I follow. We end up getting something to eat, dancing around the streets and watching the sunset from a park with a big wide open space. For once I completely let go and forget about Tom for the hours that I'm with Armie.  
We lay in the grass side by side and our hands brush together a few times, luckily there's really no one here at the park and we're at a spot away from people.  
"I love you" I whisper  
"I love you to" he smiles  
I sit up a little bit and look at Armie, his eyes are so kind and soft and inviting  
I impulsively and slowly lean down to his face and kiss him softly  
He kisses back, a curl falls from my head into his face and he laughs  
"I will never ever get tired of you" he says with a tear falling down his face, his eyes are watery and they truly look like the ocean.  
The love was never gone. Tom and Elizabeth has disappeared from my mind completely. I soon start crying to and our tears mix together  
"Stay with me tonight" he says quietly as I'm still leaning over him  
"Yeah ok I will" I smile  
I deserve this I deserve some love no matter what it might cost me.

 

We leave the park and go back to our cars, I follow him to the hotel and park in the parking garage. We head up to his room and he shuts the door, nothing happens, I just strip down to my boxers and steal one of his big t shirts and he just sleeps in boxers. Armie lays me down gently and pulls me towards him, my face to his chest. I snuggle up to him and inhale deeply, remembering that familiar scent from all the times he held me and touched me and made love to me.  
We talk about randomness until we fall asleep, listening to each other's breathing. grasping on to what little time we had with each other.

 

Hours later at around 2 am I wake to my phone ringing I quickly press end before Armie wakes up. I have a bunch of missed calls from Tom.  
I sob quietly into my hand because I know what waits for me. I had been so stupid. I slip my clothes on and leave, I leave safety, I leave a chance to be free, and I leave Armie. I had failed to tell him again. 

As soon as I get out of the building I call him back  
"Y-Yes Tom"  
"You better get your ass back here now I don't know where you went but oh holy hell your going to regret it"  
"I'm on my way" I say, my voice shakes with every word. He hangs up and I walk in fear all the way to my car and drive "home". When I park my car my hands stay on the wheel, my whole body is physically shaking with fear and my teeth are chattering. I knew he was going to interrogate me and I knew I couldn't lie.  
As I'm about to get out he slams the door open and stands there waiting for me, his face is beat red, he's mad, so mad. I walk slowly up to him with my head down. He quickly pulls me into the house and slams me against the wall  
"WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU" he screams  
"I-I"  
"Quit fucking stuttering you better answer me right fucking now"  
He grabs my curly harshly form the back and pulls my face to him  
"I was with Armie" I say  
He puts his hand around me throat and leans close to my ear  
"Oh yea" he says  
"Y-Yea"  
"I am going to tear your ass up and guess who's not here to stop it, Finn, he's at a friends house"  
I start sobbing hysterically, he drags me to the kitchen floor and puts me on my stomach. I hear him unbuckle his belt, I knew what that sound always meant and everytime I heard it I would just freeze and everything would go blank. He goes in dry and starts thrusting into me at a fast past. It burns so bad I wanna scream and I can actually hear blood squelch from inside me, all I can hear at this point is my own agonizing cries and his grunts, both of those things are screaming in my ear. he cums in me then gets up and grabs his belt from the side of the kitchen wear it slid. I'm still on the ground unable to move.  
He starts whipping my back and bottom and legs with it  
"IF - YOU - EVER - DO - THAT - AGAIN - I WILL KILL YOU DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME" 

"YESSS IM SORRY TOM IT WAS MY FAULT IM SO SORRY" my voice slurs from crying 

the whipping lasts for a few minutes then he kicks me in the face making my nose bleed, I see him head in his office and shut the door. I gasp for air and try to move, god I'm in so much p-pain, this had to be the worst one yet. All the open cuts and wounds are opening and stinging. I bite into my fist to try to quiet my agony, that's what I always did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie this chapter hurt me so bad to write. Abuse like this is so fucking sick and I actually hate thinking about the fact that people are dealing with this right now at this very moment, makes me sad.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, don’t worry things will get better for Timmy ♥️
> 
>  
> 
> Feedback is very much appreciated:)
> 
>  
> 
> \- Lana ♥️


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: clear except Suicidal thoughts  
>  
> 
> I suggest listening to “afraid” by the neighbourhood

Timothée’s p.o.v

 

I layed on the floor in sort of a haze. Ultimately at that moment, I wanted to die. I wanted to die for awhile but this time the urge was extreme. I wanted it just to be over with, the battle with Tom the battle with myself, it always weighed incredibly heavy. I'm so tired of being hurt over and over and feeling so sad all the time and trapped.  
I have tried multiple times to find things that will help me cope, going so far as to try to buy some drugs. That wasn’t successful I couldnt bring myself to do it. Everyday I wanted to die a little more but I knew I just couldn't and wouldn't ever do anything to myself because I had my family and friends and Armie. I couldn't leave them, when I tried to attempt things guilt, shame, and sadness hit me right in the chest like someone just punched me.  
I don't want them to suffer just because I was being a pussy and didn't contact someone for help. 

 

The abuse had majorly affected my career and family as well. I hardly go out and try to get new roles anymore besides my recents like call me by your name, lady bird, and beautiful boy because Tom keeps his eyes on me at all times and is very demanding and jealous and is nervous I won't come back or I'll tell someone. The very few times I did go to auditions, he waited the whole time out in the car to make sure I didn't run anywhere and would constantly text me. That definitely didn't make me look good and didn't help me at all. I had to just leave sometimes because of my panic attacks worrying about Tom.

When we went out to a social gathering, or dinner, or to the store etc. I always looked down at the ground because when I even interacted or shared eye contact with a man for to long he would do something bad to me when we got in the car or at home and yell really explicit disgusting things in my ear. So as you know I have to interact with men pretty often since I'm a normal functioning human being out in the world. so I'm sure you could imagine how often he did that. He was also only "nice" out in public, he put on a facade, thats why media outlets and social media always gushed about our relationship and how cute we were, i always felt sick when reading those because if only they knew what I had to endure almost every single day.

 

I'm surprised no one had ever picked up on how much I flinched because I had done it pretty often. It was a normal response/action anytime someone got near me or tried to touch me, go in for a hug etc. that's why I limited hugs with anyone, celebrities, friends, fans, family. In fact I had only seen my family twice since I've been with Tom. I try to avoid them because they would immediately know something was wrong, especially with my moms "mom senses" 

She had met Tom before he started being abusive and that's how she hadn't known. All she sees is the pictures from paparazzi and what I tell her. I do make sure to call her often thought to assure her everything's fine and to check up on my dad and sister. We Skype and when we do I smile and laugh as much as possible to make it looks like everything in my life is good and I'm thriving when really I'm in so much pain and wanna cry to her and tell her everything. Toms always In the room though. 

 

Recently I remember dreading the "beautiful boy" press ending because I knew I had to come home to Tom. I knew I had to come home to the abuse and rape. I would cry pretty much every night knowing that and I also remember being incredibly worried about Finn. Tom was a sick man and didn't deserve his kid. I didn't want Finn to experience any of that. That's why I would often hang out with him and keep an eye on him so tom wouldn't possibly do anything. Luckily he never did and he never would, because if he did I would fight back. I felt that I needed to protect Finn at all costs, he is so young.

——

"TIMOTHÉE LETS GO TO BED NOW" he yells  
I try to answer but he storms out form his office  
"Hello-"  
I whimper from pain  
"Oh come on your pathetic timothée"  
He yanks me up by my arm and takes me upstairs, he holds onto me extremely tight tonight and I feel like I can't breathe, I eventually pass out painfully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loveys I wanted to take this chapter to have Timmy kind of explain where he was at mentally, he does have those thoughts but don’t worry he will not end up acting on them because like he said he as family, friends, and Armie and could never bring himself to actually do it but he is very mentally bad off.
> 
> Also thank you so fucking much for all the kudos and comments, I love to see you all really interacting and getting into the story. 
> 
>  
> 
> Next chapter should be let’s say..... interesting 
> 
>  
> 
> Feedback is very much appreciated:)
> 
>  
> 
> \- Lana ♥️


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: rape but nothing graphic just implied and physical abuse 
> 
> I would suggest listening to “leaving tonight” by the neighbourhood for this chapter

Timothée’s p.o.v

 

Weeks pass and it’s December now. Armie texts me and asks why I left I just brush it off and say I had an emergency with Finn and had to head home, he told me it was okay.

 

I wake up from another painful day and realize I have the critics choice awards for beautiful boy tomorrow, me and Tom have to fly out to California today. Thats something at least I can look forward to and the people who support me of course, I always love their hugs and they make me feel better. They make me keep going.

I actually manage to slip out of bed without Tom waking up. I make myself breakfast and sit on my phone scrolling through social media. As I'm sitting there I hear the home phone ringing and I go to see who it is.

"Hi who is this" I ask  
"Oh hey timothée it's Lucy, Finn wanted to come home a little early so would you mind picking him up"  
"Oh ok not at all I'll be over in a few minutes  
We both say bye and I hang up, I should probably let tom know where I'm going so I don't end up almost dead again.

I quietly walk up the stairs and into the room, I lean over him and shake his arm gently  
"Hey tom"  
"Whaa" he says, he's half out of it  
"I'm gonna go pick up Finn from Lucy's is that alright"  
"Yeah but nowhere else do you understand"  
"Yes" I say  
He grabs my face tightly and kisses me  
As soon as I'm back downstairs I wipe it off, I hate him so much.

I drive about 5 minute away and pick Finn up  
When I grab Finn from Lucy her eyes go wide but she doesn't say anything, just tells me thank you and gives me Finn. I wonder why she stared at me like that? Me and Him get in the car And I look into the front mirror to check my face  
Oh shit.  
There a huge bruise on the side of my face and cheek, it's pretty fucking bad and I forgot to even look in the mirror I didnt have a chance to.  
"Hey bud how was your sleepover" I ask  
He also has a concerned look on his face  
"Did dad hurt you again" he simply asks  
"What?" I ask  
I feel like I'm on something right now, thousand of different things are rushing around in my mind, I'm thinking about of what to say? How does he even know? Fuck this is not good, no kid should ever see that or know that  
"I know he hurts you" fuck he sounds so small and scared  
"H-how do you know that Finn"  
"Well when I'm laying in my bed trying to sleep I can sometimes hear you cry and scream and one time I was trying to ask dad to tuck me in but he was hitting you so I ran back to my room"  
As soon as he's done talking, tears just start coming and pouring out from me  
"I'm so sorry Finn"  
He grabs my hand and hold in from the back to comfort me  
"W-why does he do that"  
"I really don't know but I wish I did and I'm sorry you had to see that, ok, but I will always protect you, do you hear me" I ask gently  
"Yes Timmy I love you"  
"Love you to bud"  
The car ride home is silent, he grabs his backpack from the back and we head in  
"Hey buddy" Tom says to Finn  
"h-hi dad"  
"Did you have a good time"  
"Yeah"  
Tom hugs Finn and I can tell Finn is nervous, I try to walk past to go clean but he grabs my waist and pulls me close to whisper in my ear  
"Hey baby why do you go out some cartoons for Finn on and I could show you how much I love you"  
My body instantly shakes  
"Yeah okay" I say with a smile 

I can't do this. I'm so sore and in so much pain. The thought of having to do it again makes me feel sick. I wanna die. My body is not my own and I hate it. I hate him. I'm just so tired. 

I put on some cartoons for Finn in his room luckily he lays down and watches them. 

I go downstairs and am face to face with him already. He puts his hand on me cheek and starts to undo my pants  
"Tom, tom please don't, I can't, I'm in so much pain, please"  
"You know you don't EVER tell me that Timmy"  
He shouts in my face  
"Please just give me a single fucking day where I'm not raped Tom"  
"I will use your body whenever and however I want"  
He turns my body against the wall and presses himself up behind me. I felt like I was being suffocated, it was always the same feeling. 

He strips me of my clothes, Somehow, I managed to stay silent because of Finn, I just let him use me and hurt me and Manipulate me. My hands held tight to the railing as a distraction. He whispered disgusting things in my ears and did things to me. 

I tried to think of the good things that have happened to me in my life and the good people I had in my life still. Armie. Finn. Luca. Mom and dad. My sister. My fans more like friends but you get it. 

I got my big break. Won awards. Had an incredible experience in a single summer. Made people smile. Got to meet and experience new people. My mom accepted who I was. I got to travel different places. 

By the time I'm done listing everything in my head. It's over. He smacks me across the mouth and tells me to clean myself up and to make sure to clean the house before we left tonight.

I walk upstairs and check on Finn, he's sleeping, I take a breath of relief and go into the bathroom and get in the shower. I wash myself raw trying to get any feeling of what just happened gone. I hate that I could still feel his hands all over me, I hated that everything he's ever said to me echos through my brain on loop constantly. 

By the time I'm done my body burns and it's red, it feels like someone just ripped all of the skin off my body. I lay down on the shower floor and hold myself. I cry. I cry for everything that's happened to me. I cry for Armie. I cry for feeling trapped and numb. I cry for Finn. I cry for my mom and dad who I haven't seen or talked to in so long.

I eventually get out and start cleaning the house, in a specific way because that's how tom like it and if something if fucked up, it's not gonna be a good day.

About an hour passes and we pack up quickly, giving Finn off the the babysitter, I paid her extra as a thank you for keeping Finn for 3 days. Tom makes me shower with him, luckily he didn't rape me just forced me into giving him a blow job or he was gonna choke me. 

we head to the airport and board the plane, it was so uncomfortable because my body hurt so bad and the plane was bumpy. Fuck you tom.

We land late at night and book a hotel for tonight tomorrow and the day after. Tom insists we go out drinking, but I don't want to because I know what's gonna happen. He's gonna get drunk and mad and irritable for no reason and then I'm gonna get beat for it, for his actions, that's how it always was. 

We go to a bar around the area and he ended up making me drink a lot, insisting I drink this and try that. I feel dizzy and the whole room is spinning. My hearing is kind of muffled but after trying to regain everything, he's talking to some guy that looks about his age next to us, I'm to out of it to focus on the conversation, but Tom kept smirking and I got this really bad feeling in my stomach. 

 

The last thing I remember is Tom helping me to the car with the man coming with us, then everything goes black. 

:

My eyes open to the sun shining in them and I squint try to adjust. Why does is feel like someone slammed me against a rock a thousand times and I feel wet from the back of me, I go get up, and I see something I wish I could erase from my brain. Tom is sleeping on one side of me and the random guy is sleeping on the other. There's blood on the back of me and my hand shoots to my mouth shaking bad. I go to sob but stop myself. I can't believe him. He made me drink and let someone stranger rape me and use me right along with him. I need to throw up.

I run to the bathroom and throw up everywhere for a good few minutes. I feel s-so disgusting and scared and ashamed. Soon I start sweating and trembling trying to get up and out of the bathroom. I hear Tom walking and he busts through the bathroom door. 

I back into the corner  
"FUCK YOU TOM" I sob  
He doesn't react, he wakes the guy up and tells him to get out and then comes back in  
"Why do you like to hurt me so much I never did anything to you"  
"That's just who I am Timmy" he laughs  
"You should've known when you met me"

"I should've known. You FUCKING BASTARD" I throw a shampoo bottle at him and I've never seen his face redder and he's breathing really hard 

He instantly throws himself at me and pins me to the ground, wailing on me continuously until he's warn out and then leaves the bathroom, leaving me in the hotel room. 

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel very numb right now, and no emotions are being received. I can barley get up but managed to and managed to clean my face off and brush my teeth. I'm bruised badly and foundation will be my plus one tonight. 

I throw on sweatpants and a huge oversized hoodie, Armies hoodie. I just lay down, tuck myself into the hoodie and stare blankly at the wall. For hours. Until Tom comes back and it's award time and I had just remembered Armie had also been invited tonight. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update depression has been kicking my ass.
> 
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> 
> I’m honestly so sorry, but I told you guys this was going to be interesting, I feel really bad but now with having this chapter out I already have a plan for the next one and it should be out tomorrow night and Armie will find out really soon like super soon and Timmy will be free. 
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> Finn knew about the abuse but as you can imagine he is really young and really scared.  
> Finn will also have a good ending to it your worried about him.  
> Also if you wanna know what he looks like, I imagine him as Jacob tremblay 
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> Also I hate Tom with my whole existence.
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> Feedback is very appreciated ♥️
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> \- Lana ♥️


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: we’re all clear
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> I suggest listening to “talk me down” by troye Sivan for this chapter

Timothée's p.o.v

We get ready in silence no words or physical contact becomes involved, thankfully. 

A driver from my team comes and picks us up, driving us to the event. It doesn't take long and we get out heading over to the red carpet first. We take pictures like the perfect couple, our smiles and expensive tuxedos hide what had really became of the relationship. They don't know that under all this material is countless horrifying day to day ordeals. Under all this concealer is what my life is now. 

His hand is tight on my back, applying pressure and reassuring me that I would absolutely not tell a soul tonight and I would not be escaping. After countless pictures we head into the event and find our table. We sit down and awkwardly sit there. I have nothing to say to Tom at all but I make sure they don't catch my face falling, I makes sure they capture nothing but happiness. As I'm looking around at everyone just scanning the place, I catch his face. Armie. 2 tables away to our right on my side. 

He's with Elizabeth and I get a deep sadness in my chest mixed with nervousness. They are all smiles as well talking to everyone at their table and leaning against each other. What I would fucking give to be sitting next to him right now, to feel his warm breath against my face, to feel his body heat and closeness. 

I make small talk with some of the people in the industry at my table and Tom to try to push the feelings away but a few minutes later someone taps on my should, I freeze immediately almost knowing who it was already.

I turn around  
"Hey timmy how are you" he smiles  
"Great how are you"  
"Good" he says sincerely  
I get up and hug him tight and try to hang on for as long as possible, not caring about Tom again. I even breath in his cologne while I'm at it. This is home, this feels like home, this the feeling your supposed to get when you love or like someone. 

"Hey tom" Armie mutters  
"Hello Armie" Tom smiles tightly  
Tom gets up and they shake hands  
We all make fake small talk and then Armie brushes his hand against my arm and looks at me when walking back to his table almost telling me that I'm going to be okay and to hold on. 

Soon enough the awards start and I try to listen because I do actually care, these are my friends and acquaintances. The cast had other projects they were working on and weren't able to make it so I'm here for everyone tonight and proud to be. 

As I'm listening to a speech I feel a squeeze and it's Toms hand doing it to the side of my neck but then brushes it off as a half hug on the side. It hurts bad, I hate that I can't go through life anymore without being physically hurt, it's not normal and it's horrible. My eyes start to water.

I excuse myself to use the restroom but of course Tom pitches in  
"You better come right back" he whispers in my ear  
I nod and kiss him on the cheek with a smile, always with a smile. 

 

I quickly walk to the bathroom look if anyone is there luckily they aren't and I sob into the sink, hyperventilating. I place my hands on the mirror and watch my tears spill down my cheeks. While watching I trace them and try to calm down. I just wanna be done with everything. I want someone to hold me. I don't wanna feel cold anymore. I don't wanna be in agonizing pain every waking moment. I want love and to just live. I haven't lived in so long. I've been dead for the last year and a half. 

My thoughts are abruptly interrupted by someone shoes slamming against the floor, I quickly wipe my tears and act like I'm washing my hands. I take a glance and it's Armie.

"I saw timothée"  
"What?" I ask  
"What he did to you, does that happen often" he asks  
"No he was giving me a hug" I laugh  
"No he was not what's going on you have to let me know so I can help you" 

I completely shatter and break down exposing everything.

"This" I cried 

I strip my top off and rub off the concealer with a wet wipe. His eyes go wide and fill with tears mirroring myself  
"Oh my god" he says in a whisper  
"Is what's been going on for over a year now" I continue crying.  
He comes over and takes me in his arms, holding me.  
"I'm so sorry you don't deserve any of this I will make sure he never fucking ever touches you again no matter how long it takes I will keep trying to get you out of this and you won’t have to live like this anymore”  
I nod into his neck and he caresses my curls and kisses behind my ear trying to soothe me

After a few minutes we pull away and his face is read, his emotion completely switches and he's breathing heavy and pacing, he's angry and I'm afraid he's gonna end up all over the magazines for doing something to Tom. I can’t tell if I would be devastated or relieved.

“Armie please calm down okay you can’t be like this when we go back out there”  
“I know, I know I’m sorry but just knowing your sitting with that sick fuck hurts me to no end”  
“I know” I smile sadly  
We hug again and head back out I make sure before I do through that I’m covered up again.

I sit back down with Tom and Armie goes back to Elizabeth.  
“Your definitely not gonna wanna go home tonight” Tom says quietly  
Panic sets in but I remain calm because I’m out in public.

My award nomination for best supporting actor comes up, the announcer is listing off the nominations and the room is silent.  
“And the Winner is” 

“Timothée chalamet” the girl who called my name gives me a huge smile and so does the room, everyone’s clapping and telling me good job, someone of the people I’ve always looked up to are hugging me and clapping for me. I feel so lucky in this moment and this is another reason why I keep going  
I head up to the stage and give the woman a hug and begin my so not put together speech.

“Wow um wow okay” I laugh 

“There comes a time in life when everything seems to make sense and this is not one of those times” I joke “What I do know, though, is that I've never felt this much love and encouragement from my peers and from people I admire and from complete strangers and it means a great deal to me. To have portrayed such a complex and strong person and to have put myself in someone else’s shoes in such a foreign situation to me has been very humbling and I’ve learned so much. This moment is for anyone is who is struggling with addiction or mental health, just know you can always get better and you can always try again. You deserve a 2nd 3rd 4rth or even that 5th chance. Someone is out there to help you and never be afraid to reach out. sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just the tiniest bit of bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it and you can live again” I end the speech with a thank you and a smile and walk off the stage.

I felt incredible up there and so so happy. I truly meant what I said. Everyone gives me a standing ovation and I awkwardly yell thank you with a huge smile. Before I can sit down Elizabeth and Armie yell my name and I walk over. 

“Your were incredible up there T” Liz says  
“Fucking amazing sweet tea”  
“Thank you guys so much”  
I give them both hugs and I go back to my table 

Tom grabs my face full on and gives me a huge kiss and smile (for the cameras) I act giddy about it and make sure they catch it. Inside I’m gagging about how fake it is, Tom doesn’t love me. 

The rest of the awards go fairly quickly and everyone starts to grab their stuff and leave. Me, Armie, Liz, and Tom leave the building together.

I say bye to Liz and she gets in her car waiting for Armie cause he comes walking over here just as we’re about to get in ours  
“Hey arms what’s up” I ask  
“Hey armand” Tom smirks  
Then all hell breaks loose  
“This” Armie says  
He punches Tom in the face and he’s on the ground, Armie launches himself onto Tom before he gets up and starts wailing on him, his nose and mouth is bloody, then Armie picks up Tom by his shirt and says a few choice words  
“You ever touch him again motherfucker and I’ll kill you I swear to god”  
Armie spits on him  
“You piece of shit let’s go Timmy”  
I stand there in shock and so does Liz I don’t even notice her until just now  
Tom tried to grab my leg but I run to armies car and we all get in leaving Tom on the ground.  
I start crying, “thank you Armie thank you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow okay umm wow this chapter was pretty intense for me and I’m happy and I hope you are that Armie now knows and this is where things start to get better. timmy will struggle mentally for a long time but I hope it brings you comfort that he got out and he’s relieved that he got out. Also sorry for the delay I hope this chapter makes up for that.
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> The next chapter, Timmy deals with what happened, tries to figure things out, and he and Armie confront their future and feelings and what this means for them.
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> Also, I hope to god that acceptance speech was decent I was throwing around a bunch of random ideas for it and they all sorta jumbled together and you got the speech lol I wanted it to be very heartfelt and sincere.
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> I fucking love Armie, he loves Timmy to death and would do anything for him. ♥️
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> And I wanna say one last thing. Thank you so fucking much for the support on this story, writing this and being apart of Armie and Timmy has helped me during this difficult mental time in my life and I could never thank you guys enough, sending a bunch of hugs to you ❣️
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> Feedback is very much appreciated :)
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> \- Lana ♥️

**Author's Note:**

> Hello to all! Im Lana. I’m definitely not new to writing or writing fanfics but this is my first account on here and first time putting my work on here. Ahh I’m super nervous and hope this first chapter is good. This story is definitely having me dig up some feelings and emotions from my own past, so it will be kinda hard but I know I can write this. I’m so sorry to anyone affected by any of this or have experienced any of this, I hope you have healed and I hope your ok, sending mucho hugs ♥️
> 
> Let me know what you think, feedback is definitely appreciated :)


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